Should You Interfere in Your Child’s Conflicts?

It is the hope of every parent to show our children how to not only be confident when in situations where they must stand up for themselves, but to do so in the most mature way possible. Parents tend to have what is called a “hands-on” approach when kids are younger, which then is modified into a “hands-off” approach through encouraging them as they grow older.


When kids have conflicts, we almost always want to rush to their defense, help them out, and fix their problems, but is this always the most appropriate course of action? Exactly how should we choose to get involved, and when is it appropriate to hold back to let them fix their problems on their own? To give our kids enough latitude to find balance in these situations, here is how we can let them solve their own problems.

You Need To Let Your Kids Resolve Their Arguments As Much As Possible

Although this can be a very difficult decision for most parents, when you see your child arguing, you must let them alone allowing them, if possible, to resolve it themselves. Typically, kids can be exceptionally good at becoming peacemakers, something that most of us do not give them enough credit for. When we rush in to solve the ongoing dispute, we often do so before realizing the kids have already figured this out on their own.

When they are permitted to resolve disagreements with their friends, or any of the children they have met at a playground, it allows them to build self-confidence. Our kids need to know that they are fully capable of talking about and resolving issues that they face. This will allow them to learn about compromising, and gives them social skills they will need later in life.

Understanding When You Should Intervene

If you observe an argument, standing back and watching is okay to do, but you need to be very observant. If your child is arguing with another child, what if it escalates into into a physical confrontation? This is definitely a time where stepping in is appropriate. We should always be there to help our children resolve their differences in the least physical way possible.

If you see your child get kicked or punched, look at what the other parent does and if they will coach their own child, having them apologize to yours. If your child was the aggressor, you need to do the same, encouraging them to make amends with the other child.

Perhaps your child has been hurt, and the other parent doesn’t care, or if the parent is completely absent, you should tell the other child that he hurt your child, and ask for an apology. If your daughter or son has been hurt, and cannot even stand up for themselves, this is an opportunity for you to tell them they need to say “Please stop. That hurts me.”

You Have To Be Objective

If you actually did not witness the incident until it’s too late, you need to remain as neutral as possible until you can get both sides of the story. You don’t want to be extreme, always seeing your child as the victim in this situation, or blame your child for what has happened. Our kids need to understand that we are there to be advocates for them and that we will always try to be fair in the ways that we help.

The Topic Of Bullying

When you actually see bullying occur, if it is your child doing the bullying, or the other way around, you must get involved immediately. Bullying is something that is very serious, and adults must do what they can to prevent it from happening, even if it includes removing your child from the situation itself, or telling authorities if it happened within a school setting.

When you are a parent, it can become very confusing, but there are certain principles that you must follow that are helpful in most situations you encounter. By using the content that has been presented, you will be able to confidently determine whether or not intervention in your child’s conflicts is appropriate.

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